Relationship Advice

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: Former homeschooler, lots of sexual guilt

Author: sgs
Subject: Former homeschooler, lots of sexual guilt
Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:04 am (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

I was homeschooled through the tenth grade in a very religious home. I�m currently 26, and a lot of attendant social and sexual hang-ups remain. Sorry if the below seems whiney and obnoxious, but I was feeling down and wanted to get this out publicly.

My mother was toxically prudish while I was growing up. When we went to the beach, she would act absolutely revolted with what the women wore, ranting about it the whole time. When confronted with anything sexually suggestive in any context, she would delve into a frenzied hissy fit, ordering me to cover my eyes, etc. She once said that all sex, even within marriage, was sinful. When the guys and the girls in our homeschooling group began hanging out together, she grew very concerned, and later she blew up and started yelling when I wanted to go to Putt Putt with a group containing both genders.

My father wasn�t so much toxically prudish as deeply cynical. He told me once that love is a lie. Women only care about money, and sex is just a tool they use to control men. He insisted that I not date until after college and only then if I had lots of money, and he recommended that I avoid women altogether if I could.

When I began experiencing sexual feelings, I understood them well enough to know that they were sexual, but not enough to understand that they were natural, as I was never given �the talk.� All I knew was that sex was earth-shatteringly dirty and destructive and evil. My days were mostly spent sitting around the house festering in sexual guilt, loneliness, and self-loathing. I fell into a pattern of masturbating to escape, feeling awful for it, and then masturbating more to cope with those feelings. I was worried that by masturbating I was killing myself, or that my parents would lock me in an asylum if they found out. Masturbation became my primary means of dealing with depression, and it remains so today.

I grew reclusive, introverted, gloomy, and self-conscious, particularly around the opposite sex. I�ve never even been on a date. For most of my life, I�ve been weighed down with so much guilt and self-loathing that most of my interactions seem disconnected, like I�m just acting. Generally, I�m friendly enough with people to get along, but I�m so self-conscious that social interactions tend to exhaust me.

During college, I mostly keep to myself, shuttling between work and school and studying a lot since I wasn�t sure what else to do. The upside was that I did very well, gradating with a 3.98 GPA. I�m currently in my second semester of law school on a scholarship. I�ve also managed to stay in decent shape, and I�m not unattractive. Periodically, a girl will try to talk to me, and I�ll sense she�s attracted, but it�s so awkward that I�ll clamp up and run off as soon as possible.

Fundamentally, I remain isolated and depressed, and the feelings are just getting worse. If something requires immediate attention, the stress will override my depression, and I can focus well enough to do what I have to. But if there�s any slack in time, I�m generally so lonely and gloomy that I�ll shut down and accomplish little until I absolutely must. I�ll mindlessly surf the internet, wander around my apartment, go on very long walks, etc. My first semester in law school was a success, but I�m worried that I�ll start slipping if my mood doesn�t improve.

Looking back, I understand that my mother�s sexual hang-ups and my father�s bitterness stem from problems in their marriage. They�ve both mellowed considerably over the years. I feel like I just need to get over all of the depression, but I long for a connection with someone of the opposite sex, and those feelings seem stupid and immature and hopeless. I still feel pathetic for having an interest in women. I have much to be thankful for, and intellectually I recognize that I�m in a good place in life with lots of opportunities. But the gloominess and depression remain.

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: Im at a loss of what to do

Author: tsdkid
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:44 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

im 20 shes 17 and it her a levels. and i get ya but the problem is since sat urday her mum has bought her a load of stuff i dont see how i can compete

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: some help me with this please!

Author: missylynn
Subject: some help me with this please!
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 7:36 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

here it goes...
My boyfriend found out I was pregnant shortly after we broke up. We decided to get back together, and try to work things out. He was constantly talking about things he was going to do with the baby. Very excited. I made a mistake in telling him I wanted to get an abortion. He told me if I did that he would no longer speak to me. A few days later I noticed he was spending way to much time with his friends then me. And he was always telling me that he wanted to spend the night at his mom's house. I got mad and I asked him how he expected to have a baby if he was going to live with his mom. I feel bad. He told me he needed a break from this. and he would be back. I called him and he told me that I should get an abortion, that it would be stupid to have a baby. And when I told him I didn't want to now. He told me he had to go, and would call me back. He never called back, he blocked me from any kind of communication. But yet he will not come get his stuff. Will he be back? What do you think he is doing? And how long should I wait before I move on?

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: VERY RECENT EMAIL CORRESPONDENCES BETWEEN MYSELF, MY AUNT RO

Author: jeremyhinkley
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:46 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

everyone trying to one up everyone else!! wow are we humans or robots talking here!!

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: WHAT DO I DO NOW

Author: jeremyhinkley
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:39 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

well you got to talk to her alot make her laugh show alot of confidence she will notice you!!

Love Quotations and Positive Affirmations :: RE: HELP!!

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:03 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

try posting it in a more appropriate place you might get some answers hope that this helps

Love Quotations and Positive Affirmations :: a quote

Author: steveo
Subject: a quote
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 6:02 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

To regret the time we have wasted, is nothing but more time wasted

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: is my ex really not ready or using it as an excuse

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:59 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

couldnt have said it better myself there....I think maybe she is confused, try and be her friend but distance yourself a little, let her realise what she could potentially miss out on, i moved to spain 9 months ago, and i had a friend who i was in love with i confessed before i left just incase there was a chance she said no she valued my friendship and was scared to ruin it....when i left after a few months she knew she had made a mistake and regrets not giving us a go lol

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: 3 years lost in 3 days

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:56 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

what a **** listen mate if thats how easy she can throw things away then do you really want to be with a girl like that, like has already been said holiday romances rarely last but at the time can feel very passionate but often its all a fantasy. If i were you id go out and forget about this girl she will come running when her sleazy little waiter boyfriend is suckering in another girl in the next month. And thats when you will get closure!! Pfft wheres this waiter live haha

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: were TOTALLY in love, and her mom's makin her leave me

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:53 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

I dont know if its different for you but she is 18 years old, and its very rare a girl knows her self fully at 18. Maybe you should just let her be for a while, and if its meant to be it will be. Just let her know your there for her if she needs a friend and that you are willing to support her

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: spaced out

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:51 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

No offence but you sound like your suffocating her. Leave it until she contacts you seriously, you have done enough now let her have some space before you scare her away forever!

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: A week with no contact...what now?

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:49 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 3

Give her lots more time, as much as she needs go out have fun enjoy yourself, if she contacts you let her know you care, but not too much you have to create doubt in her mind that she can just come in and out of your life, if she knows she can have you when she wants you she wont come back. Go have fun!

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: HELPP :(

Author: steveo
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:48 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 5

Yeah either that, or just spend tiny amounts of time with her, pretend your happy with being friends, meet another girl but dont use anyone to get to her. Just see where it goes whats meant to be will be theres no use in forcing things!

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: Confused

Author: steveo
Subject: HI
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:45 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

Hey man,

Listen i have experienced this with a couple of women in my past, they are strange creatures. This to me sounds like this girl is good at the "game" if its meant to be it will be you cant force things. Carry on with no contact, you go out and enjoy yourself it does hurt but there will be more fish in the sea if this one does get away. Let her put it all over facebook typical bitter behaviour it just shows that something has got to her. Carry on with your no contact attitide mate, maybe go on other dates, you will be amazed at the reaction this may get! I still love my ex mate, was a strange one....fell madly in love with her she was what i thought madly in love with me planning trips to LA for her singing etc, always happy together like best mates, bang out of the blue we finished and i begged and that and she was very blunt and heartless was mental, but what can you do. She had a new fella with in weeks, so i just left her too it. You cant sit around moping, because you wont stand a chance if you do. Get out the house with mates meet some new girls with facebook at her hands she will be no doubt checking up on you already! So give her some good stuff to look at lots of pictures with "girl friends" you having fun etc...

Will my girlfriend come back? Forum :: RE: Im at a loss of what to do

Author: steveo
Subject: Hi
Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:39 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

I really feel for ya man,

Would it be rude for me to ask how old you are as you mentioned her exams. What you have to do in my opinion is not come across as desperate like it or not in young relationships these days its all a game, and you have to be in it to win it. You may love her, you may not want to play games but if nothing else is working its gotta be worth a shot right. Women are always going to be hard to figure out, my advice tactic is dont contact her for a couple of weeks, let her feel that your moving on with your life, and when i say no contact nothing don't reply straight away if she contacts you. Let her sweat, sometimes we have to be reminded of what we have lost, to realise what we had. Just play it cool show her your male strengths, confidence is always a good thing when impressing women, if your begging she knows your there for when ever and if she changes her mind. Go out with your mates let it be known subtley that you are getting on with it and you understand and respect her wishes.