Relationship Advice

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: why is he so confused

Author: couger
Subject: why is he so confused
Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:23 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

i have been having an affair with a younger man who had a girlfriend, he hardly ever saw his girlfriend and eventually i asked what their relationshp was, he then told me he loved me and wanted me and that he wanted out of his present relationship as it was not a proper one and he had outgrown her. he finished with her but then found it hard and was upset and a few days later nearly went back to her but again chose me. now two weeks later i have discovered that he went to a wedding with her and has been in touch but they are not back together. he told me that he is confused and wants us both and is forgetting all teh negative things he told me about that relationship and i cant believe that anyone would want to go back to that, they were more like friends. he is saying he is concerend about the age difference between us which is 14 years but i look younger than i am. we have been friends for a long time and were best mates. do you think he will still choose me when he has had time to sort out his head, he says he is happier with me and i am the only one he has completley opened up with but he is not sure if he is ready for another relationship yet and that he doesnt want to hurt anyone again. his last relationship was 8 years and his only relationship although they led seperate lives. he says he loves me but why has he lied and why is he doing this now, my head is messed up as this is now twice he has started to back out of what he said he wanted which is being with me

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: I'm so lonely!!

Author: apache rose
Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:41 am (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

It's great that you have family support, it's the one thing that's going to help you more than anything in this situation. I know it's a cliche, but time does heal. This guy hurt you, it sounds like it's not him you want to be with, but you also don't want to be alone. Surely though, it's better to be single than in a destructive relationship? Give yourself some time to grieve and don't be too hard on yourself that you feel sad and feel like there's something missing, this is natural with the amount of time you spent together.

As soon as you're feeling a bit better get out there. Join clubs, classes etc, get involved in work social events, you'll soon meet people. Join facebook or a network like that, reconnect yourself with old friends, thus making new ones. I'm not saying that you'll meet the love of your life straight away, but you'll definitely find new confidence and learn who YOU are. You've spent so much time being a Mother and a girlfriend that I think this has got lost along the way.

Good luck and stay strong, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Seeing we're both feeling a little broken at the mo, could you take a look at my little problem and tell me what you think. Thanks.

X

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: I'm so lonely!!

Author: mznick
Subject: I'm so lonely!!
Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 12:42 am (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

Broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years yesterday. He slapped me and I put him out. I know he was wrong for slapping me so why am I the one feeling so hurt and lonely and sad? It has only been 1 day and I am soooo sad and lonely I can't keep him off of my mind and I cant stop crying. I dont know what to do.It hurts so bad.We were together EVERYDAY ALL DAY.I feel empty.Please help me somebody PLEASE!
I did call the police and I don't want him back. I'm the bread maker, he didn't help with bills or anything. He did do little stuff like gas money and food, but I held the household down. But we did EVERYTHING together, I don't know how he feels but why do I hurt so bad and can't stop crying.. I'm crying now, I been crying ever since I came into work at 3:00... We went fishing everyday, out to eat everyday, everything. I know i'm just lonely but what do I do... How do I get rid of the pain
I haven't ate since yesterday. I'm only 110 lbs., I can't afford to lose an appetite... I make my own money, I didn't give it to him and he didnt ask. I don't need him for anything. I'm 35, he's 28. Was that my problem? I wasn't benifitting from him so why do I hurt so bad? I feel like, 35 years old and have to start all over again, what in the world! I don't have any friends besides my 19 yr old daughter and and 17 yr old son, he was my best friend! I do have lots of family support though.

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: Need major advice.

Author: Tom
Subject: Need major advice.
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:12 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

Hello, I have posted here a few times about having problems with my girlfriend of three years.

We are still together, just. We have been constantly arguing recently and she dumped me twice yesterday, both times taking me back. But, I have now discovered that he wants a relationship with a friend of mine. This is the friend that I posted about a few months ago when I was worried they would like eachother.

I am currently feeling dejected, angry, upset and there is nothing I want to do. I feel like my life is crashing around me, she is my life.

She tells me we can work on being better again, but she has also said she tells me things to shut me up. If that isnt the case, why is she telling me we can be okay again if she wants my friend? Why would she even look at a friend of mine anyway?

I need major help here Any advice appreciated

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: Girlfriend attracted to other girls

Author: apache rose
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 5:52 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

It's a tough one. A lot of women are curious about having a lesbian encounter, but it sounds like it may be a little more than that for your girlfriend. My only advice is to talk to her about it, threesomes are dangerous things and something that you stay away from, especially if there's doubt and insecurities already in the relatioship. like I said, talk to her and ensure she's honest with herself, as well as with you, about her sexuality.

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: Girlfriend attracted to other girls

Author: Gzrv
Subject: Girlfriend attracted to other girls
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:33 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

My girlfriend admitted to me a while back that she's attracted to other girls. she says she's only SEMI attracted to girls and ONLY physically, and that she still prefers guys physically too.
She's always said to me that she's not attracted to any guy but me which I find kind of hard to believe but still she stuck by it, but she has no problem admitting that she's sometimes attracted to other girls, she even suggested a threesome.
The whole aspect of her being attracted to other girls kind of bothers me.. I dunno why. am I just an idiot?

and to all you guys who're gonna say "YEAH YOU IDIOT YOU HIT THE JACKPOT" then no, trust me, sure it's fun with a girl you just met, not with the girl you plan on marrying.

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: Please help me understand and how to move forward

Author: apache rose
Subject: Please help me understand and how to move forward
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:46 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

Hi.
I've been seeing this man for 3 months, we're both in our early 30's. I was warned by a mutual friend before we started dating that he was a commitment-phobe, but I decided that not to judge and cautiously took a chance.

The last 3 months have been amazing, I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone and felt like they were feeling the same. He gave me no indication that he wasn't happy with the way things were and I was careful not to put too much pressure on him.

At the weekend, he changed his plans so he could see me, I didn't ask him to, but our lives are both pretty busy, and the fact that I have my own life and I wasn't depending solely on him to have a good time was one of the things he said he liked about me. Saturday night and Sunday morning were great, he was being his usual tactile and attentive self and we were even making plans for the following weekend.

Then, last night he told me that he couldn't commit, he said he'd been thinking about where we were and he feared that if we were to continue, he would slip into his usual relationship pattern of shutting people out and taking them for granted. He admits that he wishes he didn't feel this way as he loves spending time with me. He also admits that it's totally messed up feeling this way but part of the reason for ending it between us was that it was going so well and it scared him.

Please help me to understand and to figure out where I go from here. I'm totally devestated and I really did not see this coming. My instinct is to try and talk to him, to find out what he means by this word 'commitment' and why he's so afraid of it. I miss him like crazy and I want to get through this. At the time, I could feel myself getting upset, so I left without finishing the conversation. I want nothing more than to sort his out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I would really appreciate your thoughts and advise.

K.

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: I need help. I need some advice, is my situation normal?

Author: HellenicKnight
Subject: Its all cool
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:26 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 4

She came to me and have talked it over and its all cool now, nothing to worry about

Will my Boyfriend Come Back? Forum :: Please help me to understand and make this right

Author: apache rose
Subject: Please help me to understand and make this right
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:16 am (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

Hi.
I've been seeing this man for 3 months, we're both in our early 30's. I was warned by a mutual friend before we started dating that he was a commitment-phobe, but I decided that not to judge and cautiously took a chance.

The last 3 months have been amazing, I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone and felt like they were feeling the same. He gave me no indication that he wasn't happy with the way things were and I was careful not to put too much pressure on him.

At the weekend, he changed his plans so he could see me, I didn't ask him to, but our lives are both pretty busy, and the fact that I have my own life and I wasn't depending solely on him to have a good time was one of the things he said he liked about me. Saturday night and Sunday morning were great, he was being his usual tactile and attentive self and we were even making plans for the following weekend.

Then, last night he told me that he couldn't commit, he said he'd been thinking about where we were and he feared that if we were to continue, he would slip into his usual relationship pattern of shutting people out and taking them for granted. He admits that he wishes he didn't feel this way as he loves spending time with me. He also admits that it's totally messed up feeling this way but part of the reason for ending it between us was that it was going so well and it scared him.

Please help me to understand and to figure out where I go from here. I'm totally devestated and I really did not see this coming. My instinct is to try and talk to him, to find out what he means by this word 'commitment' and why he's so afraid of it. I miss him like crazy and I want to get through this. At the time, I could feel myself getting upset, so I left without finishing the conversation. I want nothing more than to sort his out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I would really appreciate your thoughts and advise.

K.

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: Feeling guilty

Author: closemind
Subject: Feeling guilty
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:29 am (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

Hi there,

I am so glad to see this forum where I hope I can get answer to few of my questions. I am 23 single and studying. I am single until now no girlfriends. Today I did something that is killing me from inside. I had given my books to one of college friend. She is not that good looking as I would expect a girl with whom I would marry or something but her body attracts me...she touches my hand sometime holds my hand..its give me pleasure..i feel like hugging her back tightly...though I know she consider me just a friend because she behaves like that only with other boys and girls...but I some how manage my urge...I don't want to go in much detail.

Today I had asked her to return my books today but she forgot to bring. As I needed the books so she gave me keys of her apartment to take the books myself. To be frank when she said that immediately thought of exploring her room, probably touching her undergarments etc started coming to my mind. But next moment I felt bad about it and I had thought she trusts me so much that without thinking of that I can do anything like that she gave me the keys. Later I did go to her apartment. I picked up my books but I couldn't stop myself from exploring her room. I went to her bathroom and I saw she had put her undergarments for getting dry. I couldn't stop myself from picking it up and touching and feeling them...I felt I could have smelled or kissed them too....but I didnt...I started feeling guilty and I ran away quickly from there...But again and again thoughts are coming that I broke her trust and I feeling really guilty that why I did that.. please help

Regards

Online Sex Advice and Sexual Problems Forum :: RE: No touching

Author: Martin shue
Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:18 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

Shes told me loads of times before that she just doesn`t get enjoyment from most things i do, but when i ask what she likes i never get an answer. She said shes never reciveing oral sex. She doesn`t like it and once every 6 months i am allowed a bit and all i get is i dont like it over and over again. She must feel something.

She is happy for me to do a little work but i can quite annoyed that what ever i do, is point less for her.
I want to make her enjoy it with me on top and it never works out that way. Its like shes bored, everything is wrong, makes her sore or just is not nice, so end up giving up and going back to the same old thing again.
What she doesn`t understand is that some of the positions she does, i dont get anything from them but i stay still for her about i love the fact that shes liking it.
Shes always cums first and i can for forever, but after she cums, she just keeps saying hurry up etc etc and 2/3 times she jumps off as soon as she feels me do my bit. i mean like seconds after.

Martin

Online Sex Advice and Sexual Problems Forum :: RE: No touching

Author: severin
Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:32 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

It is logical and natural that you see it as a problem. If there are some things in sexual relationship which you would love to do but you are not allowed by your partner, then it is a big source of frustration... And your wishes are not extravagant or deviant at all, so it is hard to understand why she does not allow you to touch her, why she does not allow more oral sex, other positions etc...
The problem is that some people are not very flexible when it comes to their sexual behaviour or sexual scenarios...Has she ever explained to you WHY she will not allow you to touch her? It really does not have to be your mistake, I do not think that you are doing something wrong, so I guess that the roots of the problem may be in her attitude to sex in general, probably some inhibitions?, feelings of discomfort?, bad past or childhood experiences?...I do not know.
In my case, there were some girls in my past who would never allow certain things (positions, oral sex) - for example, my ex-wife never gave me oral sex in spite of the fact that she knew that I would love to have this experience with her and we discussed it many times. But she was not very "sexual" in general, she refused sex more than she "accepted" it as a source of pleasure... So this is quite interesting in your situation (and this point is new to me): your girlfriend is not "asexual", she has sex quite often and in spite of that she refuses so many good things... I would always suppose that these "refusing" people would refuse also sex itself (more or less) which seems not to be the case with your partner.
I would understand her behaviour under certain situations - role playing, dominance/submissive sexual games, orgasm control, fem-dom etc...but I do not think this is her case, so I do not know what the reasons may be.
It could really help you if you could find out the REAL reasons why she feels so negatively towards those things....or has she always been like this (I mean with her ex-partners etc?).
From certain point of view, I would love girls being on top, in fact woman on top is my favourite sexual position (but paradoxically I have never found a girl who would love sex in this position...), but of course it is very frustrating if she refuses also other things which might be pleasurable for you - and above all, if she does not allow to touch you, I guess there must be some serious issues...most probably not connected with you, but with some deeper roots in her attitude or (bad) experience.

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: Unbiased advice please

Author: janeythirty
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:34 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 1

Hi orangero
Looking at it as a complete outsider to your situation, it sounds to me as if you need to move on from your ex. It can only be natural to still have really strong feelings for someone after spending so much of your lives together and having children together, but I think if your children are now grown up then you need to put yourself first and the healthiest thing to do is move on and put the relationship to bed.

You deserve to have a future with someone who respects you 100% and this is impossible with someone who has cheated on you. I too have had those very powerful feelings for someone despite bad behaviour on his part, and even when I had moved on to other relationships. I think you need to try and somehow draw a line under it and find someone who deserves you. Like your daughter says, you will not forget the bad things he has done but that shouldn't stop you living your life or oyu will regret letting it.

The easiest way to move on is to have as little contact as possible.

Before you know it you will find someone new who treats you right and will be very glad you did life has so much to give

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: New relationship - just horny or genuine attraction?

Author: janeythirty
Subject: New relationship - just horny or genuine attraction?
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:11 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 0

Hi

I really appreciate any advise that anyone out there might have. I'm 32 and have had a number of relationships from 3 years to 3 months. I never seem to get it quite right...

These days I only go in with my eyes open and keep check of myself from the start as to whether it is the right thing and if we are compatible so I can get out early if it's not right.

Recently I started dating someone new. We have known each other a while and have always got on. After a drunken snog one night after the pub, we decided to start dating and give it a go. I was tentitive as was happy being single, but also as I didn't trust myself to get it right. But realised you have to give things a go and not write them off from the start.

The thing is I care about him and want to spend time with him because I admire him as a person - I also can be 100% myself with him. He's a brilliant guy and we are so easy in each others company. More so than anyone i have even met.

Here's the point of my rambling... From a looks point of view he is sweet but not classically attractive. He makes up for it in who he is. Up to now I have always had the urge to kiss him and muck around in the bedroom with him. I get turned on and have never felt otherwise. But I am worried that eventually the friskiness/horniness will wear off and I will stop enjoying it. Or even worse, that I will find him unattractive.

I can't work out if I am caught up in this material world and have an idea of how everyone SHOULD look, or whether I am just not attracted to him and am living off my over active hormones rather than my feelings for him.

If i didn't think about any of this and just went with it, perhpas i am just attracted to a 'look' i didn't realise i would be. But wont I always look at more attractive guys and wish i was with them? There is so much more to life than looks which he is proving, so why is it bugging me?

???!

Relationship Help and Advice Forum :: RE: How do I know if he really cares ?

Author: nkfacin
Subject: does he care
Posted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:01 pm (GMT 1)
Topic Replies: 2

im in the same boat as you my bfrien of 7 yrs says he has alot of things going on with his family which he does but ive been gettin ignored to he has something good with me and is gonna lose me but i havent contacted him in a week so time will tell