I have been dating a great guy for the past 3 and a half years. In that time we have had very few fights, we get along well, he is generally a great guy. I have never worried about him cheating, I cannot imagine him being physically abusive, no addiction problems, nothing to complain about. He is a good guy and I have no doubt that I can always count on him for whatever I need. We are both divorced (him for 15 years, me for 5), we both had pretty bad marriages and I think we are both cautious because of this. The problems is I would like to get married again and he says he doesn't ever want to get married again - and if he does it would not be until my son (9 years old) is grown and out of the house.

I have issues with this on many levels - first I don't want to wait 10 years to "maybe" get married again. I am a good girlfriend and a good person - I (like everyone else) deserve to be happy and get what I want. He has children and while they are grown they are still very dependent on him and I don't have a problem with them. In general we have more of a problem scheduling time away together because of his children than we do because of mine. My second issue with this is that he says that he doesn't want to get married mainly because of my child and he doesn't want to raise another kid but his daughter babysits for a 3 year old girl and he has told me and others on several occassions how much he likes this little girl and that he would adopt her if he could (her home situation is not idea).

So I feel like I have put enough time into this relationship that will not ultimately end in marriage and a part of me feels it is time to end it an move on. Then their is the part of me that thinks I may be ending a good thing and that I would be giving up what I have which for the most part is good.



So what do I do???? Should I stay or should I go?? If I decide to go which is the way I am leaning right now - do I give him the chance to marry me or would that not be a good idea because it will taint any proposal of marriage?

Thanks for reading and for any advice you can give me.

Been there, done that...2 1/2 yrs for me and it was a really good realtionship, but, all along I told him I was looking for marriage and if at about 2 yrs we weren't going to go down that path, than I would have to leave because life is too short and I didn't want to waste my 'good years' on dead ends. That time limit came and went and he told me that marriage was in the far future, if he did at all... I left, and within 2 months of not talking, he wanted to get back together, he was going crazy without me, but, he still made it difficult figure out how we would do it because of my kids..it was so unromantic and so business like, we never did move forward and I left again. Within a year, I met a man that was perfect for me, who loved my kids in my life, who loved me unconditionally and couldn't wait to marry me. I think back now and remember feeling that I deserved someone who 'wanted' to marry me, without an ultimatum, who would love being with me for the rest of my life and marriage wasn't 'just a piece of paper', but, a full committment to be with the other forever.

I know the big thing holding you up from leaving is that you wonder if you will ever find happiness like you have today, again. You will never know how happy you can really be until you find someone who treats you like a queen and wants to make you completely happy and secure...and that includes your son and his happiness. The man you are with now and the one I left are very, very selfish and have too much baggage to make a good life partner.

Take Care,
LNL

Livednlearned has a point, If that man cannot give you what you want in a relationship.. then break it. Wait until 10 years? thanks but no thanks.
I guess he's just looking for a girlfriend, not a second wife. And I think he's very clear to that, so there's really no chance for you to get married..
Or try to make up with him.. tell him that you need a husband for your child.. someone to help you support your child. And that you think it's he who you need.

But if he didn't change his mind.. wait for another man..

Good luck!

I have to agree with the ladies here. When it's right, it's right and it shouldn't matter (the past I mean). You can get past this although it can be difficult. I think you know where this is headed but you can't force a marriage proposal. There is someone out there that is likely a better match for you. You just have to do what you have to to make it happen.

Best of Luck

A Man will ALWAYS want to marry his DREAM GIRL!!! ALWAYS!
THE DOORMAT never gets the marriage unless she waits all of her life & even then she may never get married,but why does she want that paper so bad? Can't women take a hint?
He will Marry You if he wants you! Men don't want to be strapped to women they don't love or respect or those that they can easily use & manipulate!It's a down right insult to you if you have to ask or try to make him Marry you! Where is your self respect & love for yourself? You can't love him anyway because you don't love yourself.You gave him the whole pie & all your valuables & now he looks at other treats out there.

40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships


Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth.

They know there is an easier less complicated way to obtain the vital information they need to know about the opposite sex. Ladies, these 40 nuggets of wisdom and sage advice will help set you on the right path to finding and experiencing true love. Share these life-saving truths with every woman you know. They will forever thank you!


1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

5. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

22.Do not choose the company of angry bitter men or women.
.
23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

Thanx for the tips

My comment is going to be short. I think that you need to have a talk with him and tell him how you feel and what you want. You have to be happy. Hopefully he will understand and appreciate that you are honest with him. If he cannot give you want you want, he should be honest with you and tell you so that you both can part ways. Good luck.

Hi there,

Well your man sounds a little selfish and appears not to understand your needs and wants. I would say sit down and talk with him and get to the bottom of his problem. Maybe there is something he scared about! Should you leave well that is something only you can answer, if you do have a good plan for you and your son.