hi everyone, really hope i can get some help and advice, i have been with my boyfriend since i was 16 i am now 25 we have two beautiful kids together, he is 9yrs older than me and when we first started dating his mother was very unhappy about the age gap (9yrs) and we didnt speak until 3 years ago when i was expecting our first child i also had no contact with any of his other family members but as soon as i was pregnant they all started to show an intrest. now we see them at least once a week and go on family holidays together, even though they are polite to my face i get the feeling they think my boyfriend can do better which hurts me a lot. the truth is i know they are only accepting of me now because of our two children.
we have been engaged for about 3 years and only last week did we start planning our wedding, but we have now decided to put it on hold as when my boyfriend told his mother, she said it was only a piece of paper and shared no enthusiasm which left me very upset, i have posted many comments about the wedding on facebook and i am friends with all his family members and none have them have aproached me with congratulations, for the last week they have even avoided me, deep in my heart i know they dont want it to go ahead, which is deverstating for me and even worse for my boyfriend as i know he wants to go ahead with the wedding but feels hurt knowing his family dont approve!

im good enough to have his children, cook clean wash for him, but not marriage... all this time 9 years of my life spent faithfully to him and they think im not good enough to marry him, it hurts me sooo much

i have told my boyfriend that we will cancel the wedding till his family are more supportive as i dont want them attending my wedding with dissaproval, but now i am thinking should i end this relationship because i cant spend anymore time being false and fake pretending we like each other, when really they dont think much of me at all.
my family are very happy and have said nothing but they are there if we need any help, normally this wouldnt be such a big deal what the inlaws think but my boyfriend worships his mother and 9 times out of 10 does anything she asks of him, so if she was to actually say no i dont want the wedding to happen, it probaly wouldnt. even at 33 years old he is still tied to his mothers apron strings, for example if she asks him to take her somwhere, even if he has plans with me he would cancel to do what his mother asks, or were watching a movie and his mums rings to gask him to change a light bulb, he jumps up and goes instantly

although this is very painfull for me, is it worth breaking a family up??? hope you can hrelp chezza

Hi Chezza:

My question for you would be this ... Do you and your boyfriend love each other enough to spend the rest of your lives together? (I'm assuming that the answer is yes.) While I agree that family support is very important, I don't think that non-support from either family should get in the way of the two of you being happy.

Personally, I believe that the two of you may need to change your priorities. You have your family (your children, and the two of you), and if your extended family can't be happy for you, that's their problem. I would imagine that as soon as they realize that you and your boyfriend are going to be together no matter what they think, they'll eventually come around. And if they don't ... oh well!!!

I wouldn't spend all my time worrying about what they think of you, the most important person you need to win over is your boyfriend, not your soon to be in-laws.

So, in your shoes, no way would I call off marrying the man I love because of what someone else thinks about it!!

And by the way, marriage is not only a 'piece of paper' as far as I'm concerned. You and your boyfriend being married will set a good example for your children as it shows your commitment to each other, for life! I believe that children feel much more secure in their home life when their parents are married. (But, that's just my opinion!)

Good luck to you, and please keep in mind that the two of you deserve happiness.

This is a very very common situation.Many times the man you think
really loves you has purposely put his family there,right in the midst of
it all,especially where Mother's are involved!
If he didn't want her there,she wouldn't be there!!!
Children now? Just prove with DNA testing that this man is indeed your
baby's father & be sure your child will have the child support it will need
in case this man leaves high & dry! After all of this time,you should have
known where you stood.He's playing games with you!!!