i have been having an affair with a younger man who had a girlfriend, he hardly ever saw his girlfriend and eventually i asked what their relationshp was, he then told me he loved me and wanted me and that he wanted out of his present relationship as it was not a proper one and he had outgrown her. he finished with her but then found it hard and was upset and a few days later nearly went back to her but again chose me. now two weeks later i have discovered that he went to a wedding with her and has been in touch but they are not back together. he told me that he is confused and wants us both and is forgetting all teh negative things he told me about that relationship and i cant believe that anyone would want to go back to that, they were more like friends. he is saying he is concerend about the age difference between us which is 14 years but i look younger than i am. we have been friends for a long time and were best mates. do you think he will still choose me when he has had time to sort out his head, he says he is happier with me and i am the only one he has completley opened up with but he is not sure if he is ready for another relationship yet and that he doesnt want to hurt anyone again. his last relationship was 8 years and his only relationship although they led seperate lives. he says he loves me but why has he lied and why is he doing this now, my head is messed up as this is now twice he has started to back out of what he said he wanted which is being with me

This guy has given you reason not to trust him so it must be very confusing for you. I am sorry but I can not tell you if he will chose you over his ex... But if I'm honest it kind of sounds that he is stringing both of you on. You need to talk to him and ask him to pick if he wants to be with you or if he wants to end it.. If you don't your mind will be all messed up over this guy and that is very unfair because you deserve to be happy and fufilled too!!!!!

Thanks for the reply, since then he has chosen to go back to his ex and said he would tell her the truth before one of her mates finds out, he has been lying and kept me waiting for two days before he told me, I dont know why he is going back as they have never even had sex as she never wanted to. he says he wants to keep me as a friend but then rang me up when he couldnt get hold of ex to arrange to meet her and told me how she is his soulmate, what a pig, i was the one he came to to talk and for everything as he couldnt talk to her. i am now going to move on and when teh day comes that he wants me back i will tell him where to go

You need to remember that most men have a lot of faults, many are not worth bothering with, the few that are are diamonds in the mud. If you have one that gives you more heartache than happiness, then dump him.

thanks for that, i am upset and angry at how he treated me though, it was he who said he wanted and loved me and was unhappy in his relationship, he then finished it and has now gone back to it , the worse bit is that he rang me telling me how much he loved her and how they were meant to be together and then since then i have heard nothing since he was going to tell her the truth. if she has any sense she wont take him back as they were more of a friendship than a relationship as they only saw each other once a week and never had sex, hopefully her friends and family have pointed this out to her in the last few weeks and she will see how they were just friends and tell him that she doenst want him as a boyfriend

The whole thing was doomed from the begining. He wasn't techinically available. He may have said he had grown out of it, but until he acted by getting out of it, you were at risk from the begning. This young man has tricked you and her and isn't worth the second thought.

if someone has been going out with someone else for EIGHT years, you can't blame them for having a hard time letting go of it - whether they had sex doesn't diminish that. i'm sorry he hurt you and you feel like he strung you along, and i think he's a pig for cheating on his girlfriend in the first place, but i can understand why he felt he had to choose her instead of you. next time, try not to get involved with someone who's already involved!

He doesn't intend to be faithful to anyone. He's a liar and a cheat and is playing games with everyone. I wouldn't be surprised if there's someone other than you that he's cheating with now. You deserve someone who wants to be for real.. all the time.. with you. Unless you're friends with her (and I would hope you're not that sleezy), you've only heard one side of the story -- his. And I wouldn't put much stock in his version. When a person says they are confused about who they love, you can bet that they don't love you. You did the right thing, walk away.